The Top 69 Subjects For Top-10 Lists That I Came Up With The Other Day In The Bathroom While I Was Getting Ready For Work · Fri Aug 7, 08:12 PM

Another note: Maybe if I ever read my own blog, I’d have noticed how messed up the list numbering was. Or if anybody on the internet had bothered to say something about it. I mean, I have a whole IRC channel full (for some value of ‘full’) of peeps who hang out with me all day watching me type, yet apparently don’t even click through to read my blog posts, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes, IRC channel I hang out in, I mean you.

Note: I’ve reset the date on this by +6 months, in case anyone out there is bitterly regretting not having posted their list….

So there I was the other day, getting ready for work, and thinking to myself, Let’s do one of those Top-10 blog posts people are always doing. People seem to like those, they seem pretty easy, since I arrange things into lists myself all the time, and, well, that seems like enough reasons right there.

Then I started thinking about what exactly I’d like to post. I came up with an idea. And another one. And another. I started writing them down. And the darned things just kept on coming. By the time I was done shaving, I had several score ideas, so I decided that rather than do what everybody else does, that is, post Yet Another List Of 10 Things That I Claim Are The Top Of Some Category, I’d flip it around just a bit. Keep things interesting, if you will. This post is the result.

I was going to populate all of these lists for this post, but I realized three things in fairly short order:

1. Nobody in their right mind is going to read 700 or so list items. Good Lord, man, get a grip!
2. Listing the topics of the lists, without their contents, was more amusing anyway.
3. Srsly.

In the spirit of Internet-y collaboration, I invite readers to select any of the lists they find intriguing, amusing, or downright irresistible for whatever reason, post their own version of said list, and come back and post the URL for their list in the comments here (or e-mail it to me directly). In a week or two I’ll add a blog post with the results.

And now, without further ado, here are The Top 69 Subjects etc. etc..

Top N…

1. Topics related to blogging about which people are always making stupid top-N lists.
2. Things I have done to increase my blog traffic.
3. Things I have done to decrease my blog traffic. (I could probably start this list out with a link to this post….)
4. Topics related to blogging about which people aren’t making top-N lists, but should be.
5. Posts on my blog.
6. Ways to measure a blog post for potential placement on a list of top blog posts.
7. Ways to experience humor.
8. Jokes of all time.
9. Most offensive jokes.
10. Comedy movies.
11. Stand-up comedians.
12. Whiny bloggers.
13. Funny websites.
14. Former members of the Monty Python cast.
15. Whitest Kids You Know sketches.
16. Depressing things about which one could post.
17. Occupations without a future.
18. Technology failures.
19. Blogs that initially seem useful, but turn out to be mostly linkbait.
20. Books I own that I have not read.
21. Things I could’ve done with the time it took me to write this blog post.
22. Things I could do that would be more profitable than running this blog.
23. Former members of the SNL cast.
24. Blog post topics that are probably only interesting to the poster, and maybe not even to him or her.
25. CDs I own.
26. Movies I own on DVD.
27. Books I own that I have started, but have not finished.
28. Things I’m neurotic about.
29. Days of my life I’d relive if I could.
30. Odd topics for top-N lists.
31. Numbers used for “Top N” lists.
32. Numbers.
33. Prime numbers.
34. Movies with “10” in the title.
35. “metal” musical genres.
36. Metals that probably shouldn’t be used in jewelry.
37. Homonyms for “metal.”
38. Subjects that shouldn’t be used for top-N lists.
39. Excuses for hitting my spouse/child(ren).
40. Euphemisms for sex.
41. Euphemisms for disgusting sex acts. (YMMV)
42. Reasons for middle-aged men to date 18-year-olds.
43. Excuses for not giving to charity.
44. Excuses for having an affair.
45. Things I do on the toilet.
46. Things not to put in your rectum.
47. Things people pretend don’t exist.
48. Genres of pornography.
49. Things I wish remained a mystery to me.
50. Guro fantasies.
51. Genres of pseudo-pornography that originated in Japan.
52. Creepy internet searches.
53. Topics ripe for provoking long-running flamewars.
54. People.
55. Artists.
56. Bands.
57. Guitarists.
58. Illegal drugs.
59. Legal drugs.
60. Topics for top-N lists.
61. Shopping websites.
62. Wastes of time on the internet.
63. Wastes of time off the internet.
64. Ways to avoid wasting time on or off the internet.
65. Awkwardly personal topics for top-N lists.
66. Things that suck about my life.
67. Friends of my 18-year-old daughter whom I find attractive.
68. Things I’ve done that I later regretted having done.
69. Things I haven’t done that I later regretted not having done.

-- David --

...

1. My top 10 list of things you should blog about.

   Stand-up comedians
   Depressing things about which one could post
   Technology failures
   Days of my life I’d relive if I could
   Numbers
   Reasons for middle-aged men to date 18-year-olds
   Things I wish remained a mystery to me
   Things people pretend don’t exist
   Things I’ve done that I later regretted having done
   Things I haven’t done that I later regretted not having done

   
   — Daelesh'Thar    Tuesday August 11, 2009    #

2. You, sir, have got yourself a deal, being the first one to speak up! Your list requests will appear in the near future!

   
   — David    Tuesday August 11, 2009    #

3. I don’t even HAVE ten friends.

   
   — Amber P.    Friday August 28, 2009    #

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