The Top 16 (or 19 if you're a ninja) Reasons Bananas are Better than Quarters · Mon Jul 27, 01:11 PM

Locally a chain of gas stations has been offering bananas for a quarter each. Now, this is slightly more expensive than the grocery store’s price, but not much more so, and it’s vastly more convenient. The other day I bought some gas, paid in cash, and as the cashier started to give me my change, I said, “You know what? Keep the quarters, I’ll just take some bananas instead.” Naturally, this started me wondering: is this, in general, a good decision? and if so, why?
Being the sharing person I am, I decided others might like a reference for the day when their spouse sends them to get quarters for laundry and by force of habit, they bring home instead forty bananas. I hope this gives you a fair chance to avoid the doghouse and/or a 72-hour involuntary commitment.

Admin note: items in bold are those that primarily apply to ninjas.

1. Carrying around bananas promotes a healthy image, while carrying around quarters gives an impression of someone looking for a pay phone (and good luck with that!).
2. You’re never tempted to stuff just a few more bananas into your already overfull change pocket.
3. Being accosted by a homeless person for change lets you feel better by giving them some bananas to eat, without having to worry about your generosity going to support a chemical addiction. (Unless there’s a secondary market for bananas of which I’m unaware, I suppose.)
4. Bananas are much easier to use to distract a hungry gorilla.
5. You’re not tempted to blow your bananas on slot machines, bathroom “novelty” dispensers, or “Homies” figures.
6. It’s much easier to tie a banana to a rope to get added throwing distance and accuracy.
7. Bananas are a more popular subject for still life paintings (most useful if you’re a painter, or know one, or may encounter one in desperate straits).
8. You don’t have to vacillate over whether you should eat your banana or save it for your “Fifty State Bananas” collection.
9. Bananas are harder to lose under your desk, bookcase, and couch cushions.
10. Dropping a banana while you’re sneaking around results in a dull, only slightly alarming thump, rather than the dead giveaway of a metallic quarter rolling across the floor.
11. When children harass you for gumball money, you can tell them, “Sorry, all out of quarters. Here’s a banana, instead!” (Depending on the children in question, this may result in either accolades or fury.)
12. Bananas are better references for later color correction of photographs.
13. Bananas are much less tempting to thieves. If they break your car window to steal a bunch of bananas, you can probably assume that they were really, really hungry.
14. Bananas are less likely to spill all over the floor when you take your pants off.
15. Banana peels are useful to slow down foot pursuit. (Note: I haven’t tested this. It’s what cartoons would have us believe, anyway.)
16. Bananas are more useful for, ummm…“sexual emergencies.”
17. Bananas are less likely to incite crow and magpie attacks. Hitchcock-induced-phobia sufferers, rejoice!
18. Bananas are far more nutritious and filling than quarters.
19. And, finally…bananas are just plain funnier than quarters. We could all use more laughter in our lives, don’t you think?

Enjoy your bananas!

-- David --

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1. Very useful and tasty, those bananas

   
   — Ana Pickett    Tuesday July 28, 2009    #

2. I may just have to start a “Fifty State Bananas” collection now.

   
   — Amber P.    Tuesday July 28, 2009    #

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