The Top 69 Subjects For Top-10 Lists That I Came Up With The Other Day In The Bathroom While I Was Getting Ready For Work · Fri Aug 7, 08:12 PM

Another note: Maybe if I ever read my own blog, I’d have noticed how messed up the list numbering was. Or if anybody on the internet had bothered to say something about it. I mean, I have a whole IRC channel full (for some value of ‘full’) of peeps who hang out with me all day watching me type, yet apparently don’t even click through to read my blog posts, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes, IRC channel I hang out in, I mean you.

Note: I’ve reset the date on this by +6 months, in case anyone out there is bitterly regretting not having posted their list….

So there I was the other day, getting ready for work, and thinking to myself, Let’s do one of those Top-10 blog posts people are always doing. People seem to like those, they seem pretty easy, since I arrange things into lists myself all the time, and, well, that seems like enough reasons right there.

Then I started thinking about what exactly I’d like to post. I came up with an idea. And another one. And another. I started writing them down. And the darned things just kept on coming. By the time I was done shaving, I had several score ideas, so I decided that rather than do what everybody else does, that is, post Yet Another List Of 10 Things That I Claim Are The Top Of Some Category, I’d flip it around just a bit. Keep things interesting, if you will. This post is the result.

I was going to populate all of these lists for this post, but I realized three things in fairly short order:

1. Nobody in their right mind is going to read 700 or so list items. Good Lord, man, get a grip!
2. Listing the topics of the lists, without their contents, was more amusing anyway.
3. Srsly.

In the spirit of Internet-y collaboration, I invite readers to select any of the lists they find intriguing, amusing, or downright irresistible for whatever reason, post their own version of said list, and come back and post the URL for their list in the comments here (or e-mail it to me directly). In a week or two I’ll add a blog post with the results.

And now, without further ado, here are The Top 69 Subjects etc. etc..

Top N…

1. Topics related to blogging about which people are always making stupid top-N lists.
2. Things I have done to increase my blog traffic.
3. Things I have done to decrease my blog traffic. (I could probably start this list out with a link to this post….)
4. Topics related to blogging about which people aren’t making top-N lists, but should be.
5. Posts on my blog.
6. Ways to measure a blog post for potential placement on a list of top blog posts.
7. Ways to experience humor.
8. Jokes of all time.
9. Most offensive jokes.
10. Comedy movies.
11. Stand-up comedians.
12. Whiny bloggers.
13. Funny websites.
14. Former members of the Monty Python cast.
15. Whitest Kids You Know sketches.
16. Depressing things about which one could post.
17. Occupations without a future.
18. Technology failures.
19. Blogs that initially seem useful, but turn out to be mostly linkbait.
20. Books I own that I have not read.
21. Things I could’ve done with the time it took me to write this blog post.
22. Things I could do that would be more profitable than running this blog.
23. Former members of the SNL cast.
24. Blog post topics that are probably only interesting to the poster, and maybe not even to him or her.
25. CDs I own.
26. Movies I own on DVD.
27. Books I own that I have started, but have not finished.
28. Things I’m neurotic about.
29. Days of my life I’d relive if I could.
30. Odd topics for top-N lists.
31. Numbers used for “Top N” lists.
32. Numbers.
33. Prime numbers.
34. Movies with “10” in the title.
35. “metal” musical genres.
36. Metals that probably shouldn’t be used in jewelry.
37. Homonyms for “metal.”
38. Subjects that shouldn’t be used for top-N lists.
39. Excuses for hitting my spouse/child(ren).
40. Euphemisms for sex.
41. Euphemisms for disgusting sex acts. (YMMV)
42. Reasons for middle-aged men to date 18-year-olds.
43. Excuses for not giving to charity.
44. Excuses for having an affair.
45. Things I do on the toilet.
46. Things not to put in your rectum.
47. Things people pretend don’t exist.
48. Genres of pornography.
49. Things I wish remained a mystery to me.
50. Guro fantasies.
51. Genres of pseudo-pornography that originated in Japan.
52. Creepy internet searches.
53. Topics ripe for provoking long-running flamewars.
54. People.
55. Artists.
56. Bands.
57. Guitarists.
58. Illegal drugs.
59. Legal drugs.
60. Topics for top-N lists.
61. Shopping websites.
62. Wastes of time on the internet.
63. Wastes of time off the internet.
64. Ways to avoid wasting time on or off the internet.
65. Awkwardly personal topics for top-N lists.
66. Things that suck about my life.
67. Friends of my 18-year-old daughter whom I find attractive.
68. Things I’ve done that I later regretted having done.
69. Things I haven’t done that I later regretted not having done.

-- David --

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The Top 16 (or 19 if you're a ninja) Reasons Bananas are Better than Quarters · Mon Jul 27, 01:11 PM

Locally a chain of gas stations has been offering bananas for a quarter each. Now, this is slightly more expensive than the grocery store’s price, but not much more so, and it’s vastly more convenient. The other day I bought some gas, paid in cash, and as the cashier started to give me my change, I said, “You know what? Keep the quarters, I’ll just take some bananas instead.” Naturally, this started me wondering: is this, in general, a good decision? and if so, why?
Being the sharing person I am, I decided others might like a reference for the day when their spouse sends them to get quarters for laundry and by force of habit, they bring home instead forty bananas. I hope this gives you a fair chance to avoid the doghouse and/or a 72-hour involuntary commitment.

Admin note: items in bold are those that primarily apply to ninjas.

1. Carrying around bananas promotes a healthy image, while carrying around quarters gives an impression of someone looking for a pay phone (and good luck with that!).
2. You’re never tempted to stuff just a few more bananas into your already overfull change pocket.
3. Being accosted by a homeless person for change lets you feel better by giving them some bananas to eat, without having to worry about your generosity going to support a chemical addiction. (Unless there’s a secondary market for bananas of which I’m unaware, I suppose.)
4. Bananas are much easier to use to distract a hungry gorilla.
5. You’re not tempted to blow your bananas on slot machines, bathroom “novelty” dispensers, or “Homies” figures.
6. It’s much easier to tie a banana to a rope to get added throwing distance and accuracy.
7. Bananas are a more popular subject for still life paintings (most useful if you’re a painter, or know one, or may encounter one in desperate straits).
8. You don’t have to vacillate over whether you should eat your banana or save it for your “Fifty State Bananas” collection.
9. Bananas are harder to lose under your desk, bookcase, and couch cushions.
10. Dropping a banana while you’re sneaking around results in a dull, only slightly alarming thump, rather than the dead giveaway of a metallic quarter rolling across the floor.
11. When children harass you for gumball money, you can tell them, “Sorry, all out of quarters. Here’s a banana, instead!” (Depending on the children in question, this may result in either accolades or fury.)
12. Bananas are better references for later color correction of photographs.
13. Bananas are much less tempting to thieves. If they break your car window to steal a bunch of bananas, you can probably assume that they were really, really hungry.
14. Bananas are less likely to spill all over the floor when you take your pants off.
15. Banana peels are useful to slow down foot pursuit. (Note: I haven’t tested this. It’s what cartoons would have us believe, anyway.)
16. Bananas are more useful for, ummm…“sexual emergencies.”
17. Bananas are less likely to incite crow and magpie attacks. Hitchcock-induced-phobia sufferers, rejoice!
18. Bananas are far more nutritious and filling than quarters.
19. And, finally…bananas are just plain funnier than quarters. We could all use more laughter in our lives, don’t you think?

Enjoy your bananas!

-- David --

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Looking for something in Minnesota? · Tue May 26, 06:12 AM

Somehow or other, I forget exactly, I ended up adding my blog to the Blog Directory over at Minnesota.com. Eventually, I decided it might behoove me to find out exactly what was going on over there, and after clicking around a bit I realized that it’s actually a pretty darn useful resource for finding stuff in specific places in the state. Want to find an Air Cargo carrier in Bloomington? Click on “Local Directory” -> “Bloomington” -> “Air Cargo Service” and voilà! There it is. Definitely useful enough to earn a place on my links list.

-- David --

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A Few Good Deals - expiring soon! · Tue May 19, 06:38 PM

I collected up some of the various sale items I’ve run across recently, and have posted them for your shopping (or just browsing) pleasure. A lot of the deals are woodworking-related, but by no means all. Enjoy!

 
 

Disclaimer: I have affiliate relationships with some of the merchants linked to below.

 
 

Gadgets:

Refurbished Bissell ProHeat 2x Upright Deep Cleaner, 44% off (= $129)

Barnstormer Briefbag, 57% off (= 149.95)

Sonoma life + style® Duck, Frog, Fireman Wash Mitts, 60% off (= 3.19) (little kids love these things)

Carrington Double Eyeglass Case (leather), 63% off (= 19.95)

Auto Marker Board @ 4.49

Carabinieri Special Forces UH-1 Huey (special dealer version), 73% off (= 52.40)

“High School Musical” Tattoo Art Airbrush Set, 80% off (= 4.99)

Houndstooth-Band Fedora, 80% off (= 3.60) (Fedoras are awesome)

Bayer’s Contour Blood Glucose Monitoring System, 75% off (= 19.99)

 
 

Reading:

Woodworker’s Journal 1-year subscription, 35% off (= 12.95)

Jerusalem: The Saga of the Holy City, 46% off (= 68.00)

Extra 50% off magazines at Amazon.com, with code MAYMAG50 — includes Maxim, Esquire, This Old House, Food & Wine, Condé Nast Traveler, and others (this takes the 1-year sub price down to $4-8!).

Utne Reader 1-year subscription, 60% off (= 5.95)

Woodcraft magazine 1-year subscription, 70% off (= 5.95)

Apress eBook Deal of the Day, $10.

 
 

Media:

HD-DVDs on the super-cheap, 3.49 and up (including amazing movies like Jarhead, Transformers, Army of Darkness, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, American Me, Lost in Translation, and Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life).

 
 

Decoration:

Disney character T-shirts, 75% off (= 2.99 and up)

 
 

Writing:

1000 Nonpersonalized 3×5 Cards, 25% off (= 29.95)

3×5 Leather-Rope Accordion File, 47% off (= 19.95)

300 Tri-Ring Storyboard 1/4 Ruled Refill, 47% off (= 19.95)

Cubi 3×5 Card Holder, 47% off (= 19.95)

True Writer Metalist Fountain Pen, 52% off (= 29.95 — gorgeous metallic purple!)

True Writer Demonstrator Rollerball Pen, 56% off (= 19.95)

Morgan 3×5 Card Holder (with 75 Pocket Briefcase cards), 66% off (= 19.95)

Levenger Ink Cartridges, 12 Large, 70% off (= 2.95)

300 Freeleaf Refill Sheets, Letter, 71% off (= 9.95)

Morgan Pencil Sharpener, 74% off (= 9.95)

3 Levenger Multicolored 3/16” Ruled Pads, 3×5, 75% off (= 4.95)

 
 

Tools & Woodworking:

Highland Woodworking has several router bits at 50% off, as well as discounts on a fair number of Sorby turning tools.

Perfect Butt Profile Scriber, 12% off (= 21.99) (I’m tempted to buy one of these just so I can tell people I got my perfect butt at Woodcraft…)

Starrett 5-in-1 Combination Protractor, 14% off (= 89.99) (mmm…Starrett)

Pfeil “Swiss Made” Canard Knife, Small, 21% off (= 22.99) (I have one of these, and it’s my favorite general-purpose carving knife. No, I don’t know why the “Swiss Made” is enclosed in quotes.)

Freud 3-1/4 HP Variable-Speed Plunge Router, 25% off (= 149.99) (Good router, decent price)

FlexCut Carving Kit — 4 Piece, 27% off (= 54.99) (My favorite brand of carving tool, in general)

Pocket Shop Reference Guide, 33% off (= 9.99)

Keyhole Saw, 33% off (= 9.99)

3/8” Beadlock Basic Starter Kit, 33% off (= 19.99)

12-Gauge Electric Cable Reel, 37% off (= 59.99) (tripping over a cord while running a power tool seems bad)

Odd Jobs Layout Tool, 38% off (= 24.99) (make sure you keep the box as a reference…)

Adjustable Finger Joint Router Bit, 39% off (= 99.99) (finger joint router bits are, in general, hella expensive)

Woodcraft DMT 80th Anniversary Diamond Stone Boxed Set, 40% off (= 59.99) (hard to find a deal on big diamond stones, so this is a very good deal)

Patternmaker’s Swiveling Vise (aka Gunstock Carving Vise), 40% off (= 74.99) (all kinds of vise)

Porter-Cable 3812S Portable Table Saw, 41% off (= 299.99) (you can’t get this saw from Amazon, but you can pick up the folding stand, outfeed support, and dado insert there, and you can read the excellent reviews it got there and at Epinions.com) (this saw will cost you $618 at BrandToolsOnline.com, $518 at ToolBarn.com)

Pistol Grip Japanese Cross Cut Saw, 43% off (= 19.99) (<3 Japanese saws)

Rockler Web Clamp, 46% off (= 6.99)

Jewelry Box Insert Trays (Red only), 47% off (= 19.99) (I was amazed the first time I saw the list price for jewelry box contents…no wonder they cost $$$)

25-Piece Rubber Sanding Drum Set, 48% off (= 12.99)

Switch ‘n’ Lock Drill Mount, 48% off (= 12.99)

Precision Sharpening System, 49% off (= 39.99)

72-Note Musical Movement (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik only), 49% off (= 199.99) (more amazement…high-note-count musical movements cost mad ducats)

ConverterPro Cabinetmaker’s Calculator, 50% off (= 9.99)

Ikedame Dovetail Saw, 50% off (= 24.99) (more awesome Japanese saw-ness)

Dry Erase Whiteboard Finish, 50% off (= 19.99)

Cabinetmaker’s Tool Belt/Apron, 50% off (= 8.99)

Multi-1 Magnetic Tool Box Light, 50% off (= 19.99) (lights are good, and more lights are better)

16-Foot Self-Locking Tape Measure, 50% off (= 3.99) (reminds me of my occasionally self-locking car doors…or that’s my story, anyway, and I’m sticking to it)

10” Hardpoint Tenon Saw, 50% off (= 4.99) (I’m an ancient geek, which is why the word “hardpoint” brings me back to the days of putting together starship plans for Traveller.)

Hand Tools with Frank Klausz DVD, 50% off (= 9.99) (Frank Klausz is the man)

Turning Projects, Fine Woodworking DVD, 50% off (= 9.99) (there are some good reviews for this on Rockler’s website)

Delta 50-324 Mobile Base, 50% off (= 49.99) (mmm…mobility)

Woodcraft 80th Anniversary Shop Stool, 52% off (= 35.99) (I have one of these, and it’s very nice. Word of warning, though: make sure you have the wheels inserted all the way before you test the stool….)

Flexible Veneer (Red Oak only), 54% off (= 7.99)

Mortise Centering Router Base, 55% off (= 9.99) (sure, you can make a jig to do this, but would you rather spend time making jigs or making furniture?)

Wood Router Bit Case, 58% off (= 5.99) (who has this few router bits? Or do they just have a bajillion cases?)

WoodRiver 4-Piece Router Bit Sets, 58-72% off (= 17.99) (fantastic deal if you’re just starting out with a router, or even if you’re not)

80th Anniversary Whiteside Multi-Beading Roundover Router Bit Set, 1/2” Shank, 59% off (= 44.99)

4” Precision Drill Press Vise, 60% off (= 23.99) (this is about the same price as you’ll find the cheap knockoffs for on Amazon…not that I’m claiming this isn’t a cheap knockoff, mind you….)

WoodRiver Handrail and Table Edge Bits, 62-67% off (= 17.99 – 19.99) (excellent deal if you’re needing to make those kind of edges with a router)

Granite Surface Plate Cleaner, 70% off (= 2.99) (me, I use Formula 409, but this is actually cheaper, so if I didn’t already have the 409…)

WoodRiver 11-inch Folding Benchtop Leg Set, 60% off (= 9.99) (I should’ve bought these when they were mispriced at 4.99!)

Oval/Circle Drawing Tool, 65% off (= 6.99) (again, you could make one, or you could just buy this and be done with it)

Miniature Desk Clock Plans, Set of 3, 67% off (= 2.99) (in case you’re the plan-using type)

WWJ – Woodworkers’ Rules of Thumb, 80% off (= 0.99) (pocket change for useful information!)

Sandbox Steam Shovel Plans, 80% off (= 0.99) (mmm…steam shovel…but with 6.99 shipping, probably better to get if you’re planning on doing other Harbor Freight shopping)

Accessories for Akeda DC-16V Dovetail Jig, 83% off (= 2.99) (these are dovetail router bits that match a specific jig, but you could still use them separately…in which case, this is a fantastic price. That’s why I picked some up!)

 
 

-- David --

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I'm giving away a domain name over on ArsArboris.com! · Sat Apr 4, 05:40 PM

Apologies for the delay. I’m launching a one-week contest over on the site for the company I’ve started to promote my artwork. Good luck!

-- David --

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Something hot off the grill...later today. · Fri Apr 3, 07:47 AM

Keep your eyes peeled. Should be fun . You may need your thinking cap.

-- David --

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How I spent my winter vacation, part 1. · Mon Mar 30, 05:30 PM

It’s a long story, perhaps even longer than the time it took to live it. I’ll try to shorten the telling judiciously.

I left my previous position, working as a lead developer for a local ISV, late last year, and started searching for a startup-type development position — my preferred environment, due to the energy, the variety of things that need to be done, and the opportunity to address real problems in the marketplace (the potential equity-based upside also helps maintain interest and motivation during the grungy bits). The stock market crash and ensuing brouhaha put a real damper on that market, unfortunately. After a brief pause to bemoan fate, I decided to take some time between jobs to start my own company, as folks often do, or so I think I read somewhere.

You might expect me to have launched an enterprise focusing on something I’m extremely good at, where I’m knowledgeable of the market, the challenges, and the customers — say, the software industry. Granted, of the dozens or hundreds of ideas I’ve accumulated for potential software-related ventures, there are at least a few that I’m fairly certain would make decent amounts of money.

But that’s not what I did, for several reasons. First of all, where’s the fun in that? Second, without external funding, I’d almost certainly not reach the point of being self-sustaining before needing to get paid. (The obvious solution — get external funding — is problematic due to the economy, and fairly boring-sounding to boot, and avoiding boredom ranks very high on the scale of my motivations.) I’d then be faced with the two unpleasant alternatives of either having to shelve my new venture soon after starting it, or trying to do software all day at work, and then going home and working on different software all night at home. Either of those is scads of fun for me…but not both at the same time.

Instead, I’ve started a company that is largely a vehicle for selling my artwork. The more-or-less traditional route for fine artists is to make art, and sell it in partnership with an agent and/or dealer(s), which doesn’t provide much in the way of business experience. (From what I understand, that’s a large part of what’s so appealing about that route for most artists, because they don’t want to deal with business issues. This may, in turn, be a factor in the perhaps even-more-traditional route for fine artists, which is to languish and starve unappreciated and unknown.)

As it turns out, starting a company, even a sole proprietorship on a small budget, is an enormous amount of work. This probably surprises few people, and in fact I knew that there would be some amount of grinding labor involved. What was surprising to me was just how much that “some amount” would turn out to be. The other thing that was unexpected is how many misleading affordances there are in the available information and resources for small business owners. By this I mean not that there is some lack of knowledge or even willing advisers — quite the contrary — but that there is so much information available that it makes for a terrible chore to ferret out which bits one needs, which bits are helpful but not required, and which are entirely wrong alleys. The information explosion is not at all a phenomenon solely of the information worker.

The good news, of course, is that any problem you face as a business owner or entrepreneur has been seen before, and almost certainly solved — and if not solved, at the very least ruminated upon, discussed, and debated, enough so you have some guideposts by which to navigate.

The bad news is that this plethora of data only shifts work to different points in the pipeline — figuring out whether you have a problem; if you do have a problem, then figuring out what the problem is; and finally, finding the repository of information that is intended to address that problem, and making appropriate use of it.

Underlying all of this is a murmuring current of uncertainty as to whether the time you spend researching and addressing the situation will turn out to be a net waste, and you should’ve just spent your effort working on some other bits entirely. Heaven knows there are enough bits amongst which you can scatter yourself.

In any case, my business — Ars Arboris — is now a going concern, complete with books, expenses, revenue, a legal name, tax ID numbers, a website (of sorts), and even an employee (very part-time, to be sure, but even that turned out to be a Medusa’s-head of regulations and requirements). This will give me something to do on weekends. So I’ve got that going for me.

Now that that’s in place, and now that I’m out of buffer cash and nowhere near profitability yet, I’m hitting the résumé circuit hard starting this week. If you, or someone you know, needs some flash-and-panache in the form of a hard-hitting heavyweight Windows developer and architect with scads of experience and the scars to prove it, a love of unit tests and agile development, and a fire in the belly to do some great things, drop me a line, would you? (Twitter, LinkedIn, e-mail.)

In the meantime, enjoy the visit of the First Nobleman.

---

-- David --

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A rumble is felt in the ground · Sun Jan 4, 01:32 PM

Soon, my pretties, soon….

-- David --

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Idea: Chain-link downloads. · Wed Nov 5, 06:19 PM

Sometimes I want to download some honking big chunk of bits from somewhere. Sometimes the source of said bits is a bit preoccupied, or something, and ends up posting said giant hunk of bits as, say, eleven separate CD-size chunks, instead of one or two convenient DVD-size images. It’d be nice if I had a countermeasure for that sort of behavior, such that I could point it at a selected section and say “Get me all those files, and put them in folder X, and let me know when you’re done.”
Don’t get me started on the 11-step instructions to follow once you’ve actually got the files….

-- David --

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Fiddling with site design some more. · Tue Sep 23, 06:20 AM

Please don’t mind the dust and hammering. It’s for a good cause! Comments on changes welcome, if you care to make any. Carry on….

-- David --

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